We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
