Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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