dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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