WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
