I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
