i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
