Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
