Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
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