apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
