i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
