my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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