well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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