Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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