I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
