Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize