So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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