We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
