Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
