Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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