I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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