I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
