Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
