I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
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he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
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So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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