Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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