jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
