I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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