we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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