I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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