Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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