You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
