you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i think im in europe. pls send help
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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