Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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