Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i think im in europe. pls send help
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
