My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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