I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize