Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
