Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
