All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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