How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
