its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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