i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
