she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
