Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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