that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
