Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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