....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
