There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I touched a dick in church today
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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