Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
