Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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