We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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