I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
