Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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