Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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