Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
