if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
