Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
