i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
