moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
