I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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