Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
