if you like me you must not know who I am
it hurts more in the daytime
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
