I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me