I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.