Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix