yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I supernannyed him into submission
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch