Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
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Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.