A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.