just come out here and I will go home with you...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
