Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
