Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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