I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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