I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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