Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
