I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
