i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
