we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
