I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
