so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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