i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
