I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
