I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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