Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
